Эпиграфы к МИФам Robert Asprin

Robert Asprin

I. Another Fine Myth

  1. "There are things on heaven and earth, Horatio, Man was not meant to know"
  2. "Things are not always as they seem"
  3. "The only thing more reliable than magik is one's friends!"
  4. "Careful planning is the key to safe and swift travel"
  5. "Only constant and conscientious practice in the Martial Arts will ensure a long and happy life"
    -B. Lee
  6. "Attention to detail is the watchword for gleaning information from an unsuspecting witness"
    -Insp. Clouseau
  7. "Is there anything in the universe more beautiful and protective than the simple complexity of a spider's web?"
  8. "In times of crisis, it is of utmost importance not to lose one's head"
    -M. Antoinette
  9. "To function efficiently, any group of people or employees must have faith in their leader"
    -Capt. Bligh (ret.)
  10. "Man shall never reach his full capacity while chained to the earth. We must take wing and conquer the heavens"
  11. "One of the joys of travel is visiting new towns and meeting new people"
    -G. Khan
  12. "First impressions are of major importance in business matters"
    -J. Pierpoint Finch
  13. "The secret to winning the support of large groups of people is positive thinking"
    -N. Bonaparte
  14. "A little help at the right time is better than a lot of help at the wrong time"
  15. "Anyone who uses the phrase 'easy as taking candy from a baby' has never tried taking candy from a baby"
    -R. Hood
  16. "Just because something doesn't do what you planned it to do doesn't mean it's useless"
    -T. Edison
  17. "The wonders of the ages assembled for your edification, education, and enjoyment - for a price"
    -P.T. Barnum
  18. "No matter what the product or service might be, you can find it somewhere else cheaper!"
    -E. Scrooge
  19. "By persevering over all obstacles and distractions, one may unfailingly arrive at his chosen goal or destination"
    -C. Columbus
  20. "With the proper consideration in choice of allies, victory may be guaranteed in any conflict"
    -B. Arnold
  21. "One must deal openly and fairly with one's forces if maximum effectiveness is to be achieved"
    -D. Vader
  22. "This is another fine myth you've gotten me into!"
    -Lor L. and Har D.
  23. "Since prehistoric man, no battle has ever gone as planned"
    -D. Graeme
  24. "Ya gotta be subtle!"
    -M. Hammer
  25. "Just because you've beaten a sorcerer, doesn't mean you've beaten a sorcerer"
  26. "A woman, like a good piece of music, should have a solid end"
    -F. Schubert

II. Myth Conceptions

  1. "Life is a series of rude awakenings"
    -R.V. Winkle
  2. "First impressions, being the longest lasting, are of utmost importance"
    -J. Carter
  3. "Ninety percent of any business transaction is selling yourself to the client"
    -X. Hollander
  4. "If the proper preparations have been made and the necessary precautions taken, any staged event is guaranteed success"
    -Ethelred the Unready
  5. "...Eye of newt, toe of frog..." -Believed to be the first recipe for an explosive mixture... The forerunner of gunpowder
  6. "That's entertainment!"
    -Vlad the Impaler
  7. "Numerical superiority is of no consequence. In battle, victory will go to the best tactician"
    -G.A. Custer
  8. "Anything worth doing, is worth doing for a profit"
  9. "There is more at stake here than our lives"
    -Col. Travis Alamo Pep Talk
  10. "One need not fear superior numbers if the opposing force has been properly scouted and appraised"
    -S. Bull
  11. "Should old acquaintance be forgot..."
    -Count of Monte Cristo
  12. "This is no game for old men! Send in the boys!"
    -W. Hays
  13. "Hold the pickles, hold the lettuce"
    -Henry VIII
  14. "We're looking for a few good men"
    -B. Cassidy
  15. "I'll worry about it tomorrow"
    -S. O'Hara
  16. "Myth-conceptions are the major cause of wars!"
    -A. Hitler
  17. "Diplomacy is the delicate weapon of the civilized warrior"
    -Hun, A.T.
  18. "Just before the battle, Mother, I was thinking mos of you..."
    -Sonny Barker
  19. "What if they gave a war and only one side came-"
  20. "Chain of command is the backbone of military structure and must be strictly obeyed"
    -F. Christian
  21. "It takes a giant to fight a giant"
    -H. Prym
  22. "Hell hath no fury like a demon scorched"
    -C. Mather
  23. "What is this, a Chinese fire drill?"
    -Sun Tzu
  24. "...and then I said to myself, 'Why should I split it two ways-'"
    -G. Mouser
  25. "Is everybody happy?"
  26. "All's well that ends well"
    -E.A. Poe

III. Myth Directions

  1. "Dragons and Demons and Kings, Oh my!"
    -The Cowardly Klahd
  2. "When old friends get together, everything else pales to insignificance"
    -War, Famine, Pestilence and Death
  3. "That's funny, I never have any trouble with sevice when I'm shopping"
    -K. Kong
  4. "'Weird' is a relative, not an absolute term"
    -Baron Frank N. Further
  5. "Nothing is impossible. Anything can be accomplished with proper preparations and planning"
    -Ponce de Leon
  6. "Now you see it, now you don't"
    -H. Shadowspawn
  7. "A friend in need is a pest"
  8. "Once more into the breach..."
    -Zarna, the Human Cannonball
  9. "War may be Hell... but it's good for business!"
    -The Association for Merchants, Manufacturers, and Morticians
  10. "Old heroes never die; they reappear in sequels"
    -M. Moorcock
  11. "What do you mean, 'You've got a little job for me'?"
  12. "Out of the frying pan, into der fire"
    -The Swedish Chief
  13. "If you can't dazzle them with dexterity, baffle them with bullshit!"
    -Prof. H. Hill
  14. "As any magician will tell you - Myth Directions is the secret of a successful steal"
    -D. Henning
  15. "-Or was it unlock the safe then swim to the surface?"
    -H. Houdini
  16. "...and then the fun began"
    -N. Bonaparte
  17. "I'm sure we can talk things out like civilized people"
    -J. Wayne
  18. "What's the point-spread on World War III?"
    -R. Reagan
  19. "Why should I pay a troll just to cross a bridge?"
    -B.G. Gruff
  20. "What are friends for?"
    -R.M. Nixon
  21. "We've got an unbeatable team!"
  22. "No matter what the game, no matter what the rules, the same rules apply to both sides!"
    -Hoyle's Law
  23. "Life is full of little surprises"
  24. "This contest has to be the dumbest thing I've ever seen"
    -H. Cosell
  25. "If you can't win fair, just win!"
    -U.S. Grant
  26. "Winning isn't the most important thing; it's the only thing!"
    -J. Caesar
  27. "Ask not for whom the bell tolls-"
    -M. Ali

IV. Hit or Myth

  1. "There's something to be said for relatives ...it has to be said because it's unprintable!"
    -A. Einstein
  2. "When things are blackest, I just tell myself 'cheer up, things could be worse!' And sure enough, they get worse!"
  3. "Once a knight, always a knight,
    But once a King is once too often!"
    -Sir Bella of Eastmarch
  4. "Duty: a fee paid for transacting in good(s)"
    -U.S. Dept. of Commerce
  5. "The only thing worse that a sorcerer is a sorcerer's apprentice"
    -M. Mouse
  6. "Good information is hard to get. Doing anything with it is even harder!"
    -L. Skywalker
  7. "There is no counter for a spirited woman except spirited drink"
    -R. Butler
  8. "Choose your friends carefully. Your enemies will choose you!"
    -Y. Arafat
  9. "I don't know why anyone would be nervous about going to see royalty"
    -P. in Boots
  10. "Superior firepower is an invaluable tool when entering into negotiations"
    -G. Patton
  11. "Tell you what. Let me sweeten the deal a bit for you..."
  12. "I'm making this up as I go along!"
    -I. Jones
  13. "Marriage, being a lifelong venture, must be approached with care and caution"
  14. "Some farewells are easier than others"
    -P. Marlowe
  15. "In a war against organized crime, survival is a hit or myth proposition"
    -M. Bolan
  16. "It's always easier to destroy than to create"
    -Any general, any army, any age
  17. "The best laid plans often go fowl"
    -Wile E. Coyote
  18. "Life can be profitable, if you know the odds"
  19. "These blokes need to be taught to respect their superiors"
    -Gen. Cornwallis
  20. "Figure the last thing you would expect the enemy to do, then count on him doing precisely that!"
  21. "Stayin' alive! Stayin' alive!"
    -V. Dracula

V. Myth-ing Persons

  1. "Reputations are fine up to a point. After that they become a pain!"
  2. "Success often hinges on choosing a reliable partner."
  3. "Reliable information is a must for successful planning."
  4. "It's useless to try to plan for the unexpected ... by definition!"
  5. "To survive, one must be able to adapt to changing situations."
  6. "An agent is a vampire with a telephone!"
  7. "I don't see anything thrilling about it!""
  8. "First, let's decide who's leading and who's following."
  9. "My colleagues and I feel that independents like ElfQuest are nothing but sheep in wolves' clothing!"
  10. "What's wrong with a little harmless crime once in a while?"
  11. "Nice jail. Looks strong.'
  12. "For the right person, the impossible is easy!"
  13. "I've never seen so damn many Indians."
    G. A. CUSTER
  14. "Relax, Julie. Everyone will understand."
  15. "Everybody needs a career manager!"
  16. "Don't be fooled by appearances."
  17. "The trail's got to be 'round here somewhere!"
    D. BOONE
  18. "I didn't come all this way to sit out the fight!"
  19. "All right, pilgrim. This is between you and me!"
  20. "There's no accounting for taste!"

VI. Little Myth-Marker

  1. "The difference between an inside straight and a blamed fool is callin' the last bet!"
  2. "Kids? Who said anything about kids?"
  3. "I'm doing this for your own good!"
  4. "A doll is a doll is a doll."
    F. SlNATRA
  5. "Such stuff dreams are made of."
  6. "Bring the whole family... but leave the kids at home!"
  7. "There's a time to fight, and a time to hide out!"
  8. "What did I do wrong?"
  9. "They never let you live it down. One little mistake!"
  10. "A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down!"
  11. "I believe we're under attack."
  12. "No one should hide their true self behind a false face."
  13. "Your Majesty should pay attention to his appearance."
  14. "Sometimes luck isn't enough."
  15. "I need all the friends I can get."
  16. "I thought we were friends!"
  17. "Shut up and deal!"
  18. "Cast your fate to the winds."
  19. "Can't you take a joke?"
  20. "So what else is new?"

VII. M.Y.T.H. Inc. Link

  1. "Petty crime is the scourge of business today"
    -D. Lorean
  2. "It all hinges on your definition of 'a good time'!"
    -L. Borgia
  3. "It's all a matter of taste"
    -B. Midler
  4. "If you're too busy to help your friends, you're too busy!"
    -L. Iacocca
  5. "What fools these mortals be"
  6. "Not everything in life is funny"
    -R.L. Asprin

VIII. Myth-Nomers and Im-pervections

  1. "Nobody's seen it all!"
    -Marco Polo
  2. "They don't make 'em like they used to!"
    -H. Ford
  3. "It's not even a nice place to visit!"
    -Fodor's Guide To Perv
  4. "Taxis are water soluble"
    -G. Kelly
  5. "I just need to pick up a few things"
    -I. Marcos
  6. "There's no place like home!"
    -H. Johnson
  7. "...On the street where you live"
    -Quote from an anonymous extortion note
  8. "There's never a cop around when you need one!"
    -A. Capone
  9. "...You gotta start somewhere"
    -S. McDuck
  10. "All financiers are not created equal!"
    -R. Corman
  11. "How come I get all the hard questions?"
    -O. North
  12. "HOLY BATSHIT, FATMAN! I mean..."
  13. "Who? Me, Officer?"
    -J. Dillinger
  14. "Parting is such sweet sorrow"
  15. "Easy credit terms available..."
  16. "You can judge the success of a man by his bodyguards!"
  17. "Bibbity... bobbity..."
    -S. Strange, M.D.
  18. "'M' is for many things she taught me..."
  19. "I am not a crook!"
    -Any crook
  20. "Were you looking for me?"
    -Dr. Livingstone

IX. M.Y.T.H. Inc. In Action

  1. "What am I doing here?"
    -Any recruit, any army
  2. "What do you mean my characters talk funny?"
    -D. Runyon
  3. "We want to make you feel at home!"
    -L. Borgia
  4. "Just a little off the top!"
    -A. Boleyn
  5. "Squeeze, don't jerk, the trigger"
    -R. Rogers
  6. "When I travel, nobody knows me...
    and I like it that way!"
    -S. King
  7. "Boards don't hit back!"
    -B. Lee
  8. "To Serve and Protect..."
    -Traditional motto of protection rackets
  9. "It takes one to know one!"
    -Jack D. Ripper
  10. "Manners are acquired, not inherited!"
    -S. Penn
  11. "Now, here's my plan!"
    -R. Burns
  12. "That's why the lady is a tramp!"
    -B. Midler
  13. "It sure looks to me like a big night tonight!"
    -Arthur, Rex
  14. "Weren't you expecting me?"
    -J. Rambo
  15. "You countermanded me on whose authority?"
    -Pope John
  16. "An army travels on its paperwork!"
    -J. Carlson
  17. "So what's wrong with following established procedures?"
    -M. Gorbachev
  18. "Ya gotta speak the language"
    -N. Webster
  19. "Has anybody got a plan?"
    -G.A. Custer
  20. "We must hurry... It's almost over!"
    -P. Fogg
  21. "I want a rematch!"
    -M. Tyson


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